Toxic people love using time to their advantage because they are strong believers that “Time heals all wounds”. The problem for the wounded warriors is when they believe the same thing, they will forever be repeatedly wounded. Time doesn’t “heal” all wounds. Time may reduce the amount of pain a wound causes but it doesn’t heal it without medicating it. True healing comes from atonement. It comes from the offender acknowledging what they have done in specific terms, not broad, general terms and taking accountability for their role in it. It is a tough thing for the offender to do, especially when their life has been filled with offending.
Offenders don’t generally heal their ways without acknowledging the toxicity within them. Offenses will never go away until the offender change their environment, their habits and themselves. They will continue to reoffend.
It’s important for you, while you’re on your journey to success, to ensure that you encounter as few toxic people as possible. This isn’t gonna be easy; especially when these people are of the fabric of your family’s heritage and culture. It’s not gonna be easy when you grew up with them. It’s not gonna be easy if you live near them, have the same friends, go to the same school, church or frequent the same places. It won’t be easy. However, what toxic people use to their advantage is time.
They will try to make you feel that you are holding a grudge when you do not re-assimilating them back into your life exactly how they were. They will make you feel that you are wrong for “holding on to things” even when you are not. (It may seem so to them because you have rearranged your relationship with them.)
Like toxic waste needs a special place to be disposed of properly, toxic people need dumping grounds as well. Those dumping grounds are usually the people around them they have no respect for. You can’t live a life as a “dumping ground” and never let the enormous time that has passed convince you that things should go back to the way they were. When you do that, you find yourself back in the same place.
Toxic people love to use time to their advantage. Toxic people use consistency to their advantage. The more they are in your environment, the more their toxicity seems normal to you.
Yes, change can be difficult. The good news is the easier part to changing your own habits is changing your environment. It’s the first and best step. But if you convince yourself that your environment is HAZMAT free, it’s only then nothing in your life will grow simply because your atmosphere is filled with toxic fumes.